All Too Well
by pieface98
Summary: You mail back my things and I walk home alone. But you keeo my old scarf, from that very first week, 'cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me. - Fabian and Nina, stuck in one place, hoping to move forward.


**Disclaimer: I Don't Own House of Anubis or Taylor Swift's song **_**All Too Well.**_

* * *

_I walked through the door with you  
It was cold, but something 'bout it felt like home somehow and I  
Left my scarf there at your sister's house  
And you still got it in your drawer even now_

* * *

There's nothing left here anymore.

I walk through the apartment I kept, completely empty. It's empty because all my things are at Fabian's apartment. So there's nothing left here. He had everything. Including my heart.

I walk to the bare mattress in the bedroom and throw myself face down and try to block out all memories of him. Of him and his kisses. Of how we met. And what he'd done to me on this very mattress.

_Twelve Months Prior_

"_Hey Neens, can you get me a drink?" my best friend, Patricia, asked as we sat a table. We were waiting for my step brother, Eddie. He and Patricia had been an item for quite a while now._

"_Sure, what do you want?" I said, getting up to go the bar._

"_Uh… just a Corona, okay?" Patricia told me, handing over the room key, "Charge it."_

_I smiled, heading over as Eddie joined Patricia. I told the bartender what I wanted, as well as Patricia's order._

"_Both of those for you?"_

_I glance at the deep voice that had asked the question with a smile, "Only one."_

"_I guess the other's for your boyfriend." He said, just a hint of sadness clouding in his remarkably blue eyes._

_I scoffed, "The other's for my best friend. She's visiting me from Manchester and staying here."_

"_What a coincidence." He laughed, moving into the seat next to me, "My best friend's visiting me too."_

"_Really," I smiled, feeling this extreme confidence surging through me, "We have so much in common."_

"_Nina!" Patricia shouted, coming over to me, "What the hell is- Oh."_

_Patricia glanced at me and the guy, stopping dead in her tracks. "Well, I'll just take my drink and head back to Eddie than._

_After she left, he looked over at me, "I'm Fabian. Wanna get out of here?"_

"_Oh __**yeah**__."_

_The night flew and soon enough, he was lying on top of me on my bed, kissing my neck hungrily. We'd had nothing to drink that night besides a few sips of the beer I left at the bar. _

"_Fabian," I muttered._

"_Hmm?" he mumbled into my neck and I ran my nails through his hair._

"_You busy tomorrow night?" I asked, slowly losing the ability to speak._

_He kissed his way up my jaw to my lips, before looking up at me and smiling, "What makes you think that there's anywhere I'd rather be."_

_I smiled. If this was what loved felt like, I was never going back._

I squeezed my eyes tight and tried to eliminate all memories of him I could. I realized that every part of my apartment was riddled with memories of him. Hell, even my freaking closet wasn't immune.

_Eleven Months Prior_

"_We have to go," I giggled, as Fabian pinned me against the doorframe of my bedroom closet. I could just feel myself losing the ability to control my actions as his lips fell on my neck. I could feel his soft lips marking my neck with his light love bites, before realization hit me._

"_Fabian!" I shout, pushing him off, running to the mirror to look at the damage, "You suck!"_

_Fabian pouted, "I put a lot of work into that!"_

"_Fabian," I say calmly, trying hard to smile, "I'm not showing up to meet your sister with a hickey on my neck."_

"_Why not?" Fabian smiled, leaning his forehead against mine. "I know you love it. I can tell your trying hard not to smile."_

_I stop holding back my smile and beam at him, "I have I told you lately that I love you?"_

"_Umm, no." Fabian joked, picking me up from my waist. "So why don't you do it?"_

"_I love you." I smile, kissing his lips quickly, "Now let me down, I need to get a scarf."_

_Fabian sighed, "Fine."_

_I turn and go through my drawer, looking for my favorite scarf, when I feel his strong arms wrap around my waist. I suck in a small breath, feeling a surge of electricity flowing through me at his mere touch._

"_I love you too, Nina." He whispers into my ear._

I left my scarf at his sister's house that day. He never returned it. But the sad part of it all is that I don't even want it back. All I want back is him.

_Ten Months Prior_

"_Fabian, it's cold in here." I said as he led me blindly through a doorway. "Where the hell are we?"_

"_Okay," Fabian told me, chuckling at my whiny pleas, "Prepare to be… amazed." He took his hands off my eyes and I adjust to the light, realizing I was staring at. My hand flew to my mouth. It was a beautiful apartment. White couches, brown blankets thrown over them. A wonderful tan shag run lay beneath a black coffee table. There was a granite bar with high chairs was the kitchen's starting line. Everything was perfect. Tears began to cloud my vision. I felt his hands on my shoulders._

"_Neens?" he whispered, "Do you like it?"_

_I turned and dove my head into his shoulder, letting my tears fall into his neck. I played with the hair on the back of his neck. It already felt like home here. His fingers lightly drew patterns on my back as he started chuckling again._

"_Can I take it that you like it?" he asked._

_I nodded, still unable to speak. I heard him laugh again as he picked me up and span me in circles. When he sat me down, all I can say as his blue eyes bore into mine was, "Where's the bedroom?"_

* * *

_Oh your sweet disposition  
And my wide eyed gaze  
We're singing in a car getting lost upstate_

* * *

"Nina!" Patricia shouted, knocking on my door, "Open up!"

A week later I run to the door, revealing Patricia, standing there with Eddie, "I was just a Fabian's and when I asked where you were, he said I'd find you here. He was all disgruntled and he was crying… What the hell happened?" Eddie asked. He never failed to cut to the chase.

"We broke up, okay!" I shout, wanting to do nothing more than fall to the floor and lock them out. I was one hundred percent alone. They could at least to me the favor of leaving me that way.

"Nina…" Patricia muttered, "What happened?"

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter anymore. I just want to be alone."

Patricia nods, grabbing Eddie's hand and walking out.

"Wait!" Eddie called, "Do I need to castrate Fabian, or what?" I didn't answer him, just closing the door and continuing to get lost in my memories.

_Nine Months Prior_

"_You were supposed to make a right back there." I laugh, as we got lost on that way to Manchester to visit Eddie and Patricia._

"_What, no!" Fabian argued, glancing at me for a second._

"_Uh, yes!" I say back, getting frustrated with his sense of direction._

"_Well then you should of told me!" Fabian shouted._

"_I did!"_

"_You did not!" _

"_Yes I did!"_

"_Just shut up already!" Fabian shouted._

_I cross my arms and sit back in my seat, staying completely silent. I didn't say anything until fifteen minutes later, when I noticed Fabian pulling the car over._

"_What are you doing?" I asked quietly._

"_I don't want to fight with you, Nina." Fabian said, turning toward me, "I'm sorry I said that, I didn't mean it."_

_I smiled, thinking that I couldn't believe he pulled the car over just to apologize for something so trivial. "It's okay, I was being a bit… immature."_

"_No, I was." Fabian sighed, "Listen to me, okay? I love you more than anything, ever. I don't care if we get lost and end up in the middle of nowhere as long as long as I'm with you. You're all I have to live for."_

_I cup his soft cheek in my hand and smile, kissing his lips slowly for a moment. The sound of our lips leaving each other depressed me and I had to go back for more. He had a point. There wasn't anything I had to live for either._

* * *

_The Autumn leaves falling down like pieces in their place  
And I can picture it after all these days  
And I know it's long gone, and that magic´s not here no more  
And it might be okay, but I'm not fine at all_

* * *

I stare out my window days later, picturing the view out of the living room window in the apartment we'd shared. The leaves fell like a puzzle last autumn and no matter how hard I try I can't get the image out of my head.

His arms had been around my waist. The fire was going. And were both laughing as a light drizzle began outside.

_Nine Months Prior_

_Fabian's fingers traced my stomach lightly and I giggled, grabbing his hand and moving it away. It falls back again seconds later and I move it away again._

"_You're ticklish." He concluded, bringing his hands back to my stomach._

"_I am not," I lied, trying to focus on the TV in front of the couch we were lying on._

"_You mind if I test that theory?" he asked, starting to move his fingers against my sides._

"_Don't!" I giggled, grabbing his hand._

"_Fine, you're not ticklish anyway." He told me, placing his hand back on my leg. Moments later, he's tickling me mercilessly and I worked as hard as I could to push his hands off my stomach._

"_Stop!" I laughed, wiggling beneath him._

_He stops putting his forehead against mine and smile, "Liar."_

"_Shut up!" I shouted, tickling his sides as payback. He proves just as ticklish as me as he laughed and held my hands in his._

"_Let go," I demanded, trying to pull my hands from his grasp._

"_No, you're going to tickle me again."_

"_You started it," I argued like a four year old._

"_Do you want me to start again?" he teased, letting go of one of my hands and tickling my side with his free hand._

"_No," I told him as he stopped tickling me._

"_I require price to stop." He said, his hand on my side, ready to tickle again if I didn't cooperate._

"_What's that?" I asked._

_He lets go of my hand and sits me up again. His hand tucks my hair behind my ear before he uses it to cup my cheek in his large hand. He gives me a slight smile and kisses me softly. He doesn't hesitate to deepen the kiss, his tongue slipping easily into my mouth._

All the magic was gone. For me, everything was over. I told Patricia that I was okay when she texted me, but no way in hell was I fine.

Not anymore.

_Eight Months Earlier_

_I stared at the girl on the cover of the magazine, thinking to myself how Fabian deserved someone as pretty as her. I'd been thinking that a lot lately. He deserves someone so much better than me. Why the hell did he love me?_

_I bit my lip as I walked into our apartment, finding him on the couch watching TV. I silently sat next to him, "Fabian."_

"_Yeah, Neens?" Fabian said, sitting up, already sensing that something was wrong._

"_Why do you love me?"_

"_What?" Fabian asked, shock clouding his eyes. "Why the hell would you ask a question like that?"_

"_Because I've been thinking about… how you deserve so much better than me and-"_

"_Nina! Stop! Just stop!" Fabian shouted, grasping my cheeks in his hands. "Listen to me, okay? You're beautiful. Inside and out. It's as simple as that." He wiped some tears from my cheeks, "Please don't cry. You're breaking my heart. Please."_

_I dove into his arms, feeling… complete._

* * *

_Cause here we are again on that little town street  
You almost ran the red cause you were looking over me  
Wind in my hair I was there I remember it all too well_

* * *

I walk out of my house and begin to walk down the road three weeks after we split. My feet find themselves walking to the small street where Fabian had told me he loved me for the first time.

_Twelve Months Earlier_

_Fabian laced our fingers together as we roamed. I blushed, looking at my feet, as he looked over at me._

"_You're blushing." Fabian teased, wrapping his arm around my waist. _

"_I can make you blush too you know," I'd joked, not sure if I actually knew how at all._

"_Try me," Fabian smiled, leaning close._

_I put my hand on his stomach and lean to his ear, "Your six pack… feels awesome."_

_Fabian spluttered and I felt proud of myself as a light pink tint spread across his cheeks._

"_I can make you blush harder," Fabian challenged._

"_Try me," I say, mimicking him._

_Grabbing my hands in his and look me directly in the eye, Fabian spoke again, "I love you."_

_My mouth dropped open, "Are… you… serious?"_

_Fabian nodded, blushing himself, "I know it's soon, but I couldn't help it."_

_Cupping his face in my hands, I smiled, "I love you too."_

_Fabian laughed, "I win."_

"_Why?"_

"_You're blushing."_

I stop at the spot where he'd uttered those very words. I can still almost picture it. No Doubt's _Don't Speak _was playing through my speakers. _Don't speak. I know just what you're saying. And I don't need your reasons. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts._

I laugh in spite of myself at the irony of the song itself. It's so fitting that I want to laugh, cry and scream at the same time. When I look up from the ground, who else is standing in front of me but Fabian Rutter himself.

_Eight Months Prior_

"_Fabian, stop! The light's red!" I shouted, as Fabian looked away from me and almost ran the light._

"_Sorry," Fabian sighed, "Just got distracted."_

"_By what?" I laughed._

_He just smiled, "So, you wanna go… ride the London Eye?"_

_I push his shoulder, "You know I don't do heights."_

"_Sorry, sorry." Fabian smiled._

"_But, I think I can do it with you."_

* * *

_Photo album on my counter  
Your cheeks were turning red  
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin size bed  
And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the t-ball team  
You tell me about your past thinking your future was me_

* * *

"What are you doing here?" I ask, tentatively taking a step toward him. He was just steps from me now.

"I…" he mumbled, "I was just walking."

Patricia was right. He looked like he'd been crying. There were bags under his eyes.

"I could ask you the same question, though." Fabian pointed out.

"I don't have to explain myself to you." I say coldly. He raises his arms in surrender as I realize that he answered me when I asked. "I'm sorry. That was kind of-"

"Rude?" he interrupts.

"Wow," I mumble, "I was going to say… snippy. But, yeah rude works too."

Fabian chuckles, his hands in his pockets, "God, you haven't changed."

"Neither have you." I say, stepping closer to him once more.

"How are you?" he asks.

"I'm great," I tell him, not giving him that satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me. "And you."

He shakes his head, "You can answer that one yourself."

_Seven Months Earlier_

"_Oh and this was Fabian when he was ten years old!" Mrs. Rutter exclaimed, pointing to the photo album on the coffee table in our apartment. Fabian groaned putting his head in his hands. The picture was of Fabian sitting in a twin sized bed (missing his two front teeth) and wearing glasses._

"_He was so cute!" I laughed, flipping the page._

"_Excuse me." Fabian said, sitting up. I roll my eyes and kiss his cheek, telling him that he's still perfect._

"_Oh, sweetie," Mrs. Rutter told me, "His brother Jason had him sign up for T-Ball when he was twelve, but the poor dear couldn't hit the ball without his glasses and they wouldn't let him wear them!"_

_I stroke his reddening cheek, feeling the heat from his blush on my fingertips. He smiles over at me sadly, wishing his mom would shut up. _

_But when I smile at him, his blush is gone._

* * *

_And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do  
And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to_

* * *

"You know I don't think about you at all anymore," I lie, trying to defend myself, "What I felt for you is long gone."

"You're forgetting that I know exactly when you're lying." Fabian said through gritted teeth. "And that it wasn't my fault things didn't work out between us."

"And you expect me to take the blame, huh?" I shout, getting completely in his face. I poke his chest for effect. "You broke up with and you stopped what we had. I had nothing to do with that!"

"Do you really believe that?" he asks.

I open my mouth to reply but I realize I can't answer. That feeling that he was right makes me want to scream, so I take my anger out on him.

The sound of my hand connecting with his cheek was heard for miles.

* * *

_Cause here we are again in the middle of the night  
We're dancing round the kitchen in the refrigerator light  
Down the stairs I was there I remember it all too well_

* * *

_Three Months Prior_

"_Fabian! What are you doing!" I shouted as he picked me up from the kitchen table. The power had been knocked out by the storm and Fabian and I were currently eating by candlelight. The generator that the building provided only gave electricity to a few things. The fridge was one of them._

"_I want to dance with me beautiful girlfriend." Fabian smiled, walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge._

"_You're crazy," I laughed._

"_Maybe." Fabian shrugged._

Fabian held his cheek but remained calm. Something I'd always admired about him. I brought my hand to my mouth, "Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I didn't-"

"It's okay Nina." Fabian said as a tear left my eye. "You know it's ironic that I'm the one who got slapped you're the one crying."

I laugh as a few more tears fall. "I really didn't mean that."

"I know Nina." Fabian sighed.

* * *

_And maybe we got lost in translation  
Maybe I asked for too much  
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece  
´til you tore it all up  
Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well_

* * *

_Two Months Prior_

"_Who's that?" I asked Fabian's cousin and friend of mine, Amber, as Fabian talked happily with a girl his age._

"_Oh that's Joy." Amber smiled. "Used to be a good friend of Fabian's."_

"_They dated then?" I asked._

"_Never. But Joy always wanted too. Fabian was never interested."_

"What happened to us?" I mumble, turning around and walking away from him.

"You know exactly what happened to us." Fabian snapped.

"You know my story Fabian, so stop!" I scream.

"No!" he shouts, coming back up to me until he's so close, I could feel his chest rising and falling, "I will never stop because want you and I had was undeniable! It can never be replaced and it will never end."

"You ended it, Fabian." I tell him firmly.

"But, who really ended it?" he asks.

I shake my head and look at the ground. There's nothing left for me. He was right. I've been spending the past month thinking that he screwed it up, but all he really did was defend himself from heartbreak.

_Two Months Earlier_

"_So…" Fabian mumbled, "You were hurt before. How bad?"_

_Nina sighed. For the first time in a long time, she was telling someone about how her last serious relationship ended with a bang._

"_I think that the cheating part was what hurt most." I muttered, "But I wanted you to know because I want one thing from you."_

"_Yes?"_

"_Promise me you'll never hurt me like that." I told him._

_He looked me in the eyes and with all the sincerity he could muster up, he said, "I promise."_

* * *

_Hey you called me up again just to break me like a promise  
So casually cruel in the name of being honest  
I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lying here  
Cause I remember it all all all too well_

* * *

"I did." I mumble, looking at the ground, "You promised you would never cheat on me. I should have trusted you."

"Yeah you should have." Fabian nods. "And that hurt me a lot, that you didn't trust me. Why couldn't you?"

"Because I was cheated before." I explain, "And I thought that with all the late nights at work and the time you spent with Joy… that you were cheating."

"You're accusations every night were starting to leave a big impact on me." Fabian mutters. "A piece of me died every time you asked me if I was with Joy. By the time it had been happening for a week, I couldn't stand it. But you didn't come home that night. You weren't at your apartment… where were you?"

"I was at the park. Thinking about my next move. I had just decided to go home and apologize when you called." I admit.

_Weeks Ago_

_I hear my phone ring and see Fabian's name on my caller I.D. I sigh and answer with an enthusiastic "Hey!"_

"_Nina, this isn't working anymore."_

_With those simple words my heart fell. It broke into pieces from that fall. Slowly, I lost the ability to speak. "W-What?"_

"_You don't trust me anymore and I can't deal with that. It's killing me." He says. I drop my phone and it slips into the fountain I was sitting on._

_I knew in that moment that I had nothing left. There wasn't anything I could do anymore. I had no life. Because he was my life._

* * *

_Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it  
I´d like to be my old self again  
But I'm still trying to find it_

* * *

"After that time seemed to move unnaturally slowly." I admit to him. "I always told myself that someday I'd be my old self again. And then I realized that the only person I wanna be is the person who you love. But you don't want me to be that girl anymore do you?"

"Nina you're all I thought of since that day. I realized that no matter how hard I tried to avoid being heartbroken from your distrust, it only hurt more in the end to lose you."

* * *

_After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own  
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone  
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week  
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me  
You can't get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well yeah_

* * *

I look hard at him, ready to jump back into his arms and kiss him. I stop myself, trying to spare myself the heartbreak and turn and walk home.

It seems like forever has gone by since we'd been together. When we were together I'd used to wonder how I'd lived before him. I thought that he was my everything. Wait. I knew he was my everything.

And that's true. From the moment we'd met I'd known that he was something special. I wasn't going to let my distrust in love get in the way of that. No. I couldn't. I turn back and run to where he was. But then I know. I realize he's gone. Just like what we had.

When I get back home, there's some boxes waiting for me. They contain all my things from the apartment. All but one thing.

My scarf.

* * *

_Cause there we are again when I loved you so  
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known  
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well_

* * *

I pick up a picture of the two of us that he'd mailed back and chuck it across the room. Satisfied by the smash of the glass I go to pick it up, seeing that the glass smashed around the two of us, but not through us.

I've always been one to believe in signs and if this wasn't a sign I didn't know what was.

I run to his –our- place and pound on the door. When he opens it and sees me I can tell that he's surprised. So I open my mouth and tell him exactly why I'm here, "I wanted my scarf back."

* * *

_Wind in my hair you were there you remember it all  
Down the stairs you were there you remember it all  
It was rare, I was there I remember it _

* * *

"Did you?" he says, trying not to crack a smile.

"I can tell you're trying hard not to smile." I tell him, repeating his words to me.

"And how do you know that?" he asks.

"I was wrong, Fabian." I say, unable to control my feelings any longer. I twist my ring around my finger and look at the ground. "I didn't mean to not trust you. I… was scared. And stupid. But I understand if you don't want me back."

I feel two of his fingers under my chin, gently lifting my chin and forcing me to look at him, "And what makes you think that an apology was all I needed from the beginning for me to take you back?"

"I… I don't know." I mumble, averting my eyes from him.

"Nina, look at me. Come on Nina, in the eye." He tells me.

"Why?" I ask, when I finally look at him again.

"Because I wanted to see your eyes when I tell you that I love you." He says, cracking his blinding smile.

A tear lingers down my cheek as I throw myself on his lips, taking in everything I'd missed in the time we were apart. We say I love you a thousand times as he carries me back into my home and I can't help but know that I was never going anywhere ever again. I was right when I'd said that this was love. And I was never going back to who I was before.

_All Too Well_


End file.
